Random thoughts

I always wonder when I wander amongst the blogs why some people never get around to the business of writing. At least not consistently. There are even times when I've felt compelled to make a comment to them to try and motivate them to get going already! Then I look at mine ...sheesh! I have only managed to write something every month or two or three or ...well you get the picture. I'm going to have to do better this year. Though in my case I doubt that it is much of an issue in the grand scheme of things since I'm nary a blip on most radar screens.

The holidays have come and gone and it's the start of a brand new year. I love Christmas but it was bitter sweet for me this year. This was our first Christmas without our beautiful, sweet, and amazing daughter. (In case you were wondering ...I also think my three boys are handsome, sweet and amazing as well!) She is in Russia now serving a mission for our church and somehow sending her tiny packages at $37.00 a pop, months in advance (and by the way ...which she still hasn't received) didn't fill my heart with Christmas joy.

On the other hand our oldest son was able to get an unexpected leave from the army so it was wonderful to have him home again. Though I have to admit in the back of my head I kept thinking ...by the end of January he'll be in the middle of a war zone in Iraq. You can imagine what kind of crazy images that brings into a mother's head. None good I can assure you! It was nice for our youngest son to have someone else around. It's tough being the youngest I'm sure. No doubt he thinks we're old and boring though hopefully we'll become more interesting as he gets older.

We did miss out on seeing our 3 adorable grand kids ...they were with their other grandparents no doubt having the time of their lives. So we recruited some stand-in grand kids to fill in for them. Fortunately my husband's nephew and his family were happy to oblige. It was wild and crazy especially since all three of the kids were sick the whole time, but we had a fun time in spite of it. We'll have to come up with a plan to try and lure my middle son and his family out this way some time soon. Hmmm.... I hate to think my grand kids are growing up not knowing who we are.

That reminds me of why I worry about this. A year ago July when my sweet mom passed away and we had all gone home for the funeral. I had gone on ahead to stay with my dad and to try and help out with some of the details that needed to be taken care of. As a result my husband, kids and grand kids did a lot together without me cause I was trying to be a good daughter and help my dad. After the service my younger sister wanted us (the 3 daughters) to stay at the graveside to be with our mom until she was properly buried to make sure that everything was done right and with the utmost respect. I wasn't sure if this was something I could handle (since I have claustrophobia), but I wanted to take part in this last act of support and love for my mom and sisters so I stayed behind when everyone else went on to the family luncheon.

It turned out to be an amazing moment that my sisters and I shared. Standing side by side at the foot of our mother's grave showing our love and saying our final goodbye's as she was lowered slowly into the ground. We stayed until she was all tucked in and the flowers put back over this amazing and wonderful woman. It's something I will always cherish and never forget.

Upon arriving back at the church for the luncheon I saw my daughter who was swinging my grandson around. She smiled and said, "Look it's grandma!" My sweet grandson turned around all excited, with a big smile to see me. But when he saw who it was his smile instantly disappeared and his expression was like, "What are you talking about ...this isn't my grandma!" Obviously he was expecting to see his other grandma and didn't even know who I was. I told him, "I'm your other grandma." But he he still looked confused and didn't seem to be convinced. So I just walked away thinking this is what happens when they never spend time with you. I'm the far away grandma that sends presents and cards but it's just not the same. I have to admit it still makes me sad even now when I think about it.

When I was packing away all of the Christmas decorations it was with a touch of melancholy wondering what the new year will bring. I hope that all of my family will be safe and well. That life will be good to them and each will be happy and feel loved. Nothing in this world comes with a guarantee. But because each life that touches ours is a gift and so very precious, I will try harder to look for the good and make the most of each moment.